The Null Device

The bad news: middle-mind schmaltzmeister Steven Spielberg is planning a remake of War Of The Worlds, set in a modern setting and apparently starring Will Smith Tom Hanks Tom Cruise.

The good news: an unknown British director has beaten Spielberg to the punch, having completed filming on a version of War Of The Worlds, set in Victorian England (filmed under the cover title "The Great Boer War"), and starring unknown actors.

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Steven Spielberg, undisputed master of cloying, all-American sentimentalism, now plans to bring the major-label hip-hop aesthetic to filmmaking, with "film sampling". Spielberg's Dreamworks plan to create a film by taking bits of footage from older films and digitally inserting Mike Myers into it. Which sounds like it could be every bit as good as Puff Daddy's last few hits.

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Director of facile sentimental schlock Steven Spielberg is to receive an honorary knighthood, putting him among such great men as George Bush and Norman Schwarzkopf.

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